Green and red laser swords clashed today as Sith Lord Darth Vader and his one-time Jedi Master, Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi, engaged in a fatal duel, witnesses say. After a few minutes of stunning light-swordplay, Kenobi's former student delivered a deadly blow rendering the elderly Jedi completely bodiless.
Stormtrooper Johnson was witness to the epic conflict along with his detachment of clone-soldier counterparts who were guarding a nearby captive ship. None of the witnesses were clear on how or why the fight started, but it "was pretty flippin' cool whatever the circumstances," Johnson relates. "Kenobi just, like, disappeared or something!"
The Sith Lord himself seemed pleased with the kill. After the duel he was seen walking down the corridor shaking hands with officers and stormtroopers alike, saying "Did you see that, huh? I just killed Obi-Wan Kenobi!"
Kawalsky, another trooper on duty at the time of the fight, relates, "Vader even printed out some flyers and passed them out in the Death Star's cafeteria during afternoon tea." The flyers allegedly read, "I Killed Kenobi" in large bold print and feature pictures of the fight caught by Death Star security cameras.
Says Kawalsky, "Uh, you didn't hear it from me, but it's almost like Kenobi let Vader win. He just stood there while Vader, like, slashed him or something."
Adds Johnson, "Yeah, I think Vader's just full of himself. I mean, who'd be proud of pickin' off some weird old man, anyways?" Nonetheless, the Sith Lord remains in high spirits, and already has plans to release a hit rap single next summer entitled, "Who Killed Kenobi? I Did, I Did."
Kenobi's body was never recovered. His robes and lightsaber were collected, however, and are scheduled to be sold at the next Imperial yard sale this July.
